...But I will NEVER feed the pigeons!!

After a rather long horrible day, I got on the bus to venture home. I go to the back of the bus and sit down in the back corner seat where I am expecting to be left alone. A man gets on at the next stop with 3 bags (1 with old Chinese food, a garbage bag that was full of, judging by the smell, 22 years of homeless love making and 1 with a 40oz of some gut-rot beer). He threw 2 of his bags down (I'll let you guess which 2) half on me and half on the seat next to me. He then leaned over 4 others and attempted to open the window. As he toke the stuff off the seat to sit down, he looked at all of us in the area and says "Sorry but you all need this window open. I am sorry in advance if I cough on you, but I have pneumonia". At this point, I stood up and went to the front of the bus. This is not an easy task on a NYC bus at 5:00pm.

I thought my day had reached finally reached rock bottom. And then......

At the next stop a woman with 2 kids get on the bus, followed by an old lady. One of the kids sits down in the only empty seat, at which point his mother screams at him to stand up.

Kid: WHY!?!?!
Mother: because there is a woman that needs the seat. These seats are for her, not you!
Kid: the sign says "Seats reserved for disabled, elderly, and children. I am 8 years old, so this seat is for me".

Now, I have never been one to think kids were capable of making intellectual arguments, but I felt his argument was well thought out and very timely delivered. I found myself giving the kid an affirming look. The kid saw me looking at him as his mother yanked him out of the seat and replied to my gesture by looking at me and saying,

"Apparently, I have to stand up because old ladies LIKE YOU get to steal the seats"

This kid is SO lucky that I am actually NOT an old lady!

I plan on being "Crazy Old Lady". I will wear tacky hats (preferably with HUGE sunflowers that I will puffy paint purple). I will wear sweaters with flamingos dressed in Santa suits with plaid pants. I will drink expensive wine from the bottle while driving to Wal*Mart. I will no longer use a filter for my thoughts when in public. I will jump in line at check outs. I will walk in the street if I feel compelled. I will scream at kids. I will run people over in my motorized chair. I plan on setting my ID free. People will be on the edge of their seats wondering what I am going to do next never go into public with me again.

Nobody will ever do anything about it. They will just look at my bad behavior and shrug their shoulders while saying "what can you do...she is just crazy-old-lady".

If I had, in fact been crazy-old-lady on that bus today, I would have broken that kids legs with my cane and offered his disabled ass my seat.