Holey Productive Day, Batman!!!

I have not had a Sunday this productive in a long time. I showered, ate AND saved 3 galaxies, ALL BEFORE NOON!!! Of course, I am getting hungry again and the princess is still trapped in Bowser's Castle, so I still have plenty of work left for this afternoon. My boss says that she works harder at home than she does at work, using today as my example, I would have to agree with her.

Here are some other ideas next time I am feeling productive on Sunday Mornings:

1. Bedazzling all of Matt's suits before he wakes up
2. Making yeti outfits of all of his suits before he wakes up
3. Flowbee'ing Matt's hair until he woke up.
4. Printing labels for EVERYTHING on is desk, so he is sure know where everything
5. Water torture with by slowly squeezing ShamWOW (those things hold a ton of water)

Looks like I need to go shopping.

RULES: *Brought to you by THE MAN

It is not a secret that I kinda sorta like my job a little bit. Here are a list of policies that get in my way of actually LOVING my job.

1. You are prohibited to have Margarita lunch hours (even if it is Margarita Monday)
2. You must complete all paperwork on time and neatly (and writing F' You on all papers is not considered complete no matter how neat it is)
3. You must work 8 hours a day (in a row)
4. You must wake up before the sun to get here on time
5. You must be here 5 days a week (even though there aer only 7 days in the whole week)
6. You must be nice to people (this includes having to hold the elevator door for people)
7. You must talk to clients and listen to them (even if all they want to do is whine)
8. You are responsible for decorating your own office. (If I could do that I would be an interior decorator, instead I now work in cold white cell with nothing on the walls)
9. You will be fired for doing keg stands in your office
10. You can not put a couch and TV in your office
11. You can have a computer, but we will be blocking any website worth going too.
12. Any activity involving spreading oil in the hallway is strictly prohibited.
13. You can not steal a clients motorized wheelchair for joy riding (Even if you do have to walk 2 WHOLE BLOCKS for lunch.)
14. You must wear the most uncomfortable clothing to work (even though you get spit on by clients all day)
15. Your lunch break is not 7.5 hours long
16. We will not tolerate making pot brownies for the staff.
17. You may NOT, under any circumstances, use a taser on clients or other staff.
18. Crossword puzzles are not a productive use of time.
19. You will not require staff to stop in every hour to tell you how pretty you are.

If only my job cared about my happiness, maybe I would like being here more.

1,2,3,M+,4,M-,.234326457657856

You would think by by age 31 I would be able to accidently press "M+" or Mrc" buttons on a calculator without freaking out, pressing all the buttons, crying, losing my entire calculation and having to start over. Why is it that I went through 20 years of school (private school at that) and not one responsible teacher pulled me aside to teach me what these useless buttons on the calculator are for? I will tell you why.... They are like Iowa!!! We were taught that they exist but in the reality of grown-upedness they really don't.

From now on, I will include the belief in Iowa and the ability to use the 3 useless buttons on my calculator as a diagnostic criteria for delusional thought.

How low can I go.... you don't even want to know

So I just got back from walking 217 steps to the liquor store....Why does my life have to be so hard? I mean, I get that you should have to work for your alcoholism, but 217 STEPS!!!! And now that my only friend I have my bottle of wine (we will call him Fred) I thought I was ready to curl up on the couch and watch really awesome tv. So naturally I searched Netflix for Little House on the Prairie. (which I need to point out is the stupidest word ever. Prairie should be embarrassed!) Just to make my life even harder than it already was, Little House on the Crappy Word is not on "watch instant." I might have reached a new low for even doing a search for Little House, and then a further low by being totally bummed I can not watch it right now, but I will never go as low as wait for Little House in the mail. I guess I will never know if

***possible Spoiler Alert***

Ma and Pa Ingles put Nelly in charge of the Sex Den in Season 9.

If I owned a midget, he would live in a pear tree

I am home alone for a week and this means one thing. I need to get this place clean so there is room for me to build the Fort To End All Forts. The only problem is I feel cleaning is for suckers. Just another good reason to own a midget. So this leaves me sitting on the couch talking to myself , wearing yesterdays clothes (because showering on Sunday is also for suckers), thinking about how I should go to the gym while picking the chex out of the chex mix and wondering why there is no ice cream in the freezer. Some may look at this pathetic display laid back display and ask, "what is wrong with her?" After some serious thought, I am pretty sure I know where my life took a turn. It was when Breaking Bonaduce got canceled. I would like to talk about the massive negative impact this had on society as a whole, but we have to remember that this is all about me. I was never given the chance to have closure with Danny being snatched out of my life so suddenly.

So with this new sense enlightenment, I think I will spend my day looking for a midget to clean this place up so I can build my fort which I will do as a shrine to Danny Bonaduce.

VVVRRRROOOOOMMMMM VVVRRRROOOOOMMMMM

What's that I hear..... that must be the sound of a new blog starting up. It has been 4 years of nothing but hookers and blow world domination since I have been in the blog-a-sphere. Life is a bit different from the mighty adventures of free beer and waking up next to strangers. I would like to say this blog might be a bit more adult that the previous one but, who am I kidding, I am still the Manager that laughs at fart jokes really loudly holding up almost every meeting with my snorting.

Here it goes.