Another One Rides the Short Bus

There is nothing wrong with coming home after a long, hard, day with a bottle of gas station Merlot, squeezing booty shorts over my fat @ss, crawling into bed and drinking the gas station nectar from the bottle while eating cold condensed Cream of Mushroom soup out of the can with a fork ...... I can't believe you actually believe that, that would be absurd.... of course I used a spoon.

But I do think it is wrong that, when I am in my comfy place and wallowing in my tears of discontent for what my life has become and I decide to take my mind off of things by starting an intellectual conversation about how unfortunate it is that the Accordion had ONE chance to be cool and Weird Al ruined it... and my conversation gets trumped by SSDP**, who starts listing off every song Weird Al ever recorded. (ALMOST every song... he forgot "I Think I'm a Clone Now", but who can blame him, that song was YEARS before it's time). He didn't even go to the internet. It was like his brain had been waiting for this moment since 1983 and had every song waiting in some horrible synapse queue just waiting to rapid fire.

You live with someone 7 years and think you have a firm grasp on who you think they are and *WHAM* one day you learn he is Weird Al's #1 fan. The only way I know to cope with this insanity is to open another can of soup.

**SSDP = Subliminally Silent Domestic Partner (he could use a shorter name)