What do you mean you don't keep panties in the pantry?

So I was thinking about starting a revolution today, but then I remembered how I tend to vomit when I turn around too fast. So now I am on to brainstorming other things to do today. I was thinking about making confetti out of Fruit Roll ups (or edible panties, cause when it comes down to it, I can not tell the difference). But alas, looking in the cabinet all I see is are gold fish crackers, and those are for biting their heads off, not making confetti.

Looks like there will be no revolution or confetti today, just a sea life massacre. (just call me BP) Why does my life have to be so hard?