Rip Van Wrinkle was a Poser

I have always considered myself to be pretty self aware when it comes to my skills and talents.  I have never needed to try making soap sculptures with a chainsaw in order to prove that I suck at it.  I am fully aware that when I dress myself in the morning and put on hot pink, stripe socks with dress pants, that I am most likely doing it wrong.  I know that I need to fake clap at concerts because I can not carry the rhythm required to clap along with everyone else.  These things would make me feel bad about myself,  if I wasn't confident in all the things that I am an expert at.  This list involves, but is not limited to, eating, giving high fives, being awesome, doing the chicken dance, and (now that I have discovered spray foam) building living room forts.

Above everything on the list, I know that I am an expert sleeper.  I have been sleeping for 33 years and have always considered it to be one of my best talents.  Yesterday, I went to buy new sheets for all the awesome sleeping I do.  I walked into the store and  there was a huge, soul crushing sign that read:

"Performance Sheets: Sleep like a Pro!"

 I am not sure what type of performances these sheets do every night and it seems that it would be a little distracting to have your sheets putting on puppet shows or ballet routines while you were trying to sleep but what do I know, apparently I have been sleeping like an amateur all this time and I had no clue.