Putting the Ass in Classy, since 1978

It is slightly possible that would be a small exaggeration to call me the pinnacle of class and good decisions, but I try to keep it classy whenever I can.  I do not get nearly enough credit for the times when I make a good decisions.  Everyone always wants to focus on the time I wore rolled up jean shorts, a hot pink scrunchie, knee high purple argyle socks and a t-shirt that had a pig face on the front and a pig butt on the back when I lost my virginity on a job interview... and that time I got accused of a hate crime for throwing a My Size Barbie out the car window at that midget.... but even in that situation, I was classy enough to dress Barbie in her fanciest prom dress.... and that time I found a boyfriend in a Denny's parking lot... and that time I sang karaoke to "Ring of Fire" at a gay wedding.

Everyone wants to focus on the negatives, but I make AT LEAST 3 great decisions a day. For example, right now I am wearing my K*Mart tiara, eating squeeze cheese from the whip-it can and drinking the finest bottle of gas station Merlot.  That is 3 GREAT decisions I made back to back!!!  (We all know that wine and cheese is the way classy girls get shitfaced).   In fact, today....I did NOT make a fart joke in a meeting, I did not run into traffic wearing a superman cape, I did not join the Scott Baio fan club, I didn't punch anyone in the face and I didn't show my boobs to the homeless man at the gas station. That is a ton of good decisions I, very consciously, made today, but do I get credit for them?... NO!  This is the exact opposite OK, which, if my calculation is correct, equals bulls***.  I earn a "Good Decision Making" trophy daily, only I never get my trophy.  Everyone should recognize that ..... and spend their time focusing on the fact that Steve Sanders is now a  49 year old Chippendale Dancer.