It is hard to respect the game when a light up jean jacket is involved.

It is Memorial Day and that can only mean one thing.... I am hanging out in my living room fort hiding from Lee Greenwood.

That's right, we all have our arch nemesis. USA has Celine Dione, Zack Morris had Mr. Belding, Cookie Monster had Vegetables, Inspector Gadget had the Claw and Sloth had Genetics. Mine has always been Lee Greenwood.

I have never once uttered the words "Man I wish we could find a Lee Greenwood concert", yet I have somehow been in the audience at least 25 times. It is as if 25 flash mobs have spontaneously formed around me. He always picks a 3 day weekend (usually July 4th, Memorial Day, or Veteran's Day) and he tricks me into being in public place and then, without out any warning, he appears in his American Flag Jean Jacket and serenades me with how proud he is to be an American. It is as if Lee Greenwood can craft a stage in 3 seconds flat. It is the equivalent to being on Nickelodeon and unknowing saying "I don't know", only Lee Greenwood uses the rhythmic beating of his patriotism as his green slime. He has foiled my plans in Georgia, Florida, Virgina, Boston, Alabama, Washington DC, South Carolina, AND North Carolina. It doesn't matter where I am, what time of day it is, who I am with, or what my level of sobriety is.

It has been 3 years since I last found myself at a Lee Greenwood concert. I do not want to speak too soon, but it is 7pm on another American holiday and I am still peacefully laying in my living room fort and Lee has not shown up yet. I am in no way saying that I think I have defeated my Nemesis, however, I feel like I have won another round. Until next time.....