LEGO hurts the heart WAY more than it hurts your feet.

I have a friend coming in town for her birthday.  I am aware that her sole goal in life is to have Wil Wheaton's babies in a dirty, dirty way celebrate her birthday at LEGO Land.  I am a good friend, so I decided to do what I could to make magic happen... turns out magic is just for snotty nosed, jam hand spawn and soup:

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To:LEGO Land
From: me

Hi LEGO Land!!!! 

I would like to inquire if you have any options for a birthday party for an adult at LEGO Land.  I have friend coming to visit from NY (where happiness does not exist) and would like to show her a great LEGO GOOD time for her birthday.  She LOVES LEGOs!!  This would be the best present ever.  (She once made a birthday cake out of LEGOs, it was red, green and blue and was pretty hard to chew).  Your website only shows child options for birthday's.  This is strange, since even your logo is only BIG letters.

Are there options for adults?

Thanks for any information,

Me

______________________________________ 

To: Me

From: LEGO Land

 

Hello!

Our facility is structured around children  3-12 years of age. Upon entering and exiting the center, all adults must be accompanied with a child and all children must be accompanied by an adult. I apologize if this may cause any inconvenience. Have a blessed day!

Lego Land Nazi

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To: LEGO Land
From: Me

Dearest LEGO Land,

Well..... this is really sad news!  It sounds like you are saying that, as a LEGO Lover for over 3 decades, I can not enjoy the joys of LEGO Land if I have made a personal choice not to breed.  It should be noted that I made this personal choice solely based on the fact that I didn't want to share my LEGOs with any children. (I love Lego's THAT much!)

I once built a LEGO bird house that was big enough for a Pterodactyl, it made for the best front yard in the neighborhood, until a neighborhood kid came and dismantled it with his feet.  That is another reason I do not feel you should trust children. 

I would like to suggest that you change you policy and make LEGO Land an adult only playground where those of us that truly enjoy the plastic pieces of colored joy can come and be around like other like individuals.

While you are fixing your corporate policies, would it acceptable within your current policy, if I built a Lego child and brought it as my +1?

 

Thanks,

Me

..... I am still awaiting a response.