11.27.2011

Pigeons, Midgets, and Old ladies... oh my.

I spent the Thankyouday holiday with Matt's family. This morning we found ourselves sitting in DC at Union Station waiting for our delayed train back to NYC. Amtrak fails to tell anyone what the delay is or how long it will be, and in times like these I tend to take matters into my own hands. I went and asked the customer service desk how long they thought it would be before our train would take me home. The man replied, "your train hit something about an hour away, it is moving and will be two hours late". Naturally, and out of full concern, I asked "was it a gang of midgets?!?!". He stared at me for a minute as if he was shocked that I somehow had insider information. He remained silent, so I finally said thanks, and as I turned to walk away, I assured him that I would pour out some of my vodka on the train for all the fallen midget homies.

I went back to my seat, between the Victoria's Secret and the McDonald's and patiently waited, while giggling at the irony of those two stores being next to each other. Once I got back to where Matt was sitting, we decided it was time for the game that he makes me play when ever we find ourselves in these situations. We call it, "Practice Patience" and it involves me challenging the all old ladies in the crowd on who can maintain patience longer. He implemented this rule after the now infamous "getting off a cruise ship incident". We decided that we would practice our patience by taking odds on who would would be shit on by the nasty pigeon that was flying around the station. (that is good luck you know) I was hoping someone on my train would would be the target so the train would come sooner. It was about an hour after the train was supposed to have left that a woman approached an Amtrak worker that was speaking to a female cop.

Lady: I am not sure you are aware, but there is a pigeon flying around in here and they carry disease!
Amtrak worker: yea, it's a train station lady
Lady: but there are kids here, and people eating at McDonalds....
Me: Oh No! You mean to tell me that McDonald's might be serving shit. I am appalled!!!!
Cop: listen lady, I tried to shoot it for the last lady that complained about it, but they gave me a week off without pay, so financially speaking, i can't offer to do that again.
Lady: *looking back at her husband with fumes coming out of her ears* I tried.
Cop: ...and thank you for that effort.

This is when I saw the fire in the old lady's eyes and looked at Matt and said "Aw Snap, she loses".

1 Comment(s):

T.Church said...

Careful using the word "midget" in your posts... It generates a lot of traffic from Undesirables.