Welcome to My Wasted Life

Last night I discovered that the last 3.5 years of my life have been pointless. I wish I could say this is the first time that has happened, but there was that 5 years I spent in a horrible town called "The home of the bible thumping Baptists"or maybe it was called Lagrange, GA, it was definitely one of the two. I moved there for college since I assumed college was necessary if I didn't want to end up homeless on skid row, carrying the love child of a tranny hooker named Monique. (it is amazing what Catholic School will have you believing by the time it is over). There were also those 2 years of grad school that I only did because I was told I "would make more money and earn more respect". Too bad that advice came form a guy working with computers, who had little understanding that a M.A. in Social Services paid less than a tranny hooker named Monique makes turning tricks and offers about the same amount of respect. So yes, it seems that there is a certain established cycle here, so it should not shock me to learn that my entire existence in NYC is completely inconsequential, but somehow I find myself shocked and heart broken.

I moved to Manhattan more than 3 years ago with big dreams of doing something great with my life, and by that I mean, I have worked hard to for over 3 years to hail the cash cab. I wanted a red light challenge. I wanted a street shout out. Every time I get into a cab I put on the surprised face, that I have practiced for hours and hours in the mirror, then I look at the roof of the car where the lights are supposed to be going crazy and then I scream "OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE I GOT IN THE CASH CAB". Most cab drivers ignore me and ask where I am going, but never once has Ben bailey turned around and welcomed me to Cash Cab. I am aware I may look stupid with my cab routine, but it is my main dream in life and I want to be ready when it is time.

This dream came to an end last night while I was watching TMZ. They were interviewing the only man that was capable of making all my dreams come true, Ben Bailey, and at the end of the segment the gallery of stoners on TMZ started talking about how Cash Cab is set up and they hold auditions for wannabe actors to get on the show. I was smacked with the reality that, once again, I have wasted years of my life working for something that was never going to happen in the first place.

Now not only am I not going to live out my dream but I also can't even watch the show anymore, because the way my life has gone I am totally convinced that it is only a matter of time before Ben pulls over and picks up Monique.