When I said "Everything", I meant salt, garlic and poppy seeds NOT vengeance, wrath and brutality!

It started off like any other morning... waking up 2 minutes before the alarm clock going off and getting pissed off because only old people do that and then spending my extra 2 minutes laying in bed thinking deep thoughts like "How much DNA could you find if you swabbed any street corner in NY?". Everything was familiar about the morning, little did I know there was a coup d'é·tat being planned. That's right, my ninja knives decided that today was the day that the bagel would win the fight. Needless to say, the knives are no longer allowed to hob-knob with the bread items, because they obviously can not be trusted not to start a revolution. The only victim during the uprising was my thumb (my other fingers that got grossed out and maybe the hard woods, any ideas on how to remove blood from wood floors?) I stood with rivers of blood streaming down my arm and grabbed a towel. I, being built of major toughness, continued to get ready for work thinking that I would stop bleeding eventually. About 30 minutes later, my plasma was still seeping out of the towel. I decided I needed help to wrap my finger. The only one that could help was Matt and he was asleep. I know he does not like to startled from sleep, so I went up to the bed and took the towel off and stood there as blood was dripping to the floor and screamed "OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!!". Once I was convinced he was up, I told him I was joking (he plays it cool but I know he loves these games). He helped me wrap it and I went to work.

It only took me about 5 minutes for work to get mad at me. Which I need to stop here and vent about how unfair this is. We allow clients to enter the building EVERY DAY that smell like 5 sumo wrestlers ate burning tires and then took a dump on them, they drool all over themselves, get their menses all over the chairs (the 3pt word is intentional since this is a classy page and will never again talk about period here), they piss and crap themselves, and when they are not dropping something out of their mouth onto the floor, they are dropping it on you. SO I was a little offended when people at work decided to complain about me dripping blood all over the place. I was sent home to go get stitches.

I went and got my finger super glued, seriously, they super glued it and after 4 hours of constant bleeding, it stopped instantly. If I knew being a doctor involved art supplies I would have totally gone a different direction. Then they gave me my tetanus shot which I only mention because it has the word anus in it which made my arm feel like it was burning from the inside until I went to bed.

So know I am stuck without the use of a thumb for a week. Here is a list of ways you take your thumb for granted:

• taking off pants (leading me to almost pissing my pants)
• typing
• showering
• double fisting my adult beverages
• Smoking meth
• unscrewing to cap on the flask I keep at work
• thumb war
• sing where is thumb-kin
• making a proper fist to punch people in the face
• -and so many more-

But the silver lining: With my bandage, every day gets at least 1 thumb up, and I have changed up my finger prints which I firmly believe may be useful one day.