DON'T FREAK OUT, BUT TOMORROW IS PINSTRIPE SUIT DAY!!!!!!

Old Awesome Me:
~ happy kicking it in my ripped up jeans and converse kicks.
~ not caring if my clothes meet societal standards on what matched since I am expert at tying the outfit together with knee high socks that contained a multitude of colors
~ a refreshing ale in my hand
~ messenger bag (minimal holes)
~ singing and dancing in the street because at least 1 dance party a day was mandatory and should be shared with traffic
~ unable to properly use ipod, since I still sing out loud
~ hilarious, at least in my own head
~ would rather spend $2.00 on Febreeze than $5.50 on laundry


Current Corporate Me:
~ no longer aware of what day of the week it is, since my days have been renamed Blue suit day, Black suit day, Gray suit day, Brown suit day, and Pinstripe Suit day.
~ walking into clothing stores and forcing myself to cry so a nice sales lady will take pity on me and tell me what clothes I need. (and by "forcing" I mean "have a debilitating anxiety attack from shopping and fall fetal position in a store sobbing like a blue haired lady watching Richard Simmons sweat to the oldies)
~ asking random people on the street if my shirt matches my suit, since I now have to care and I have lived 32 years without learning this skill.
~ wearing something called "Trouser socks" everyday (I can't make this crap up)
~ Brushing my hair
~ required to dry cleaning 40% of all my clothes
~ having my sense of humor sucked away faster than my soul


Seeing as though it has only taken 3 weeks to get to this new me, I think I need to start accepting that I will be "I NEVER MEANT TO BE THIS PERSON me". If I have done the math right, by August 23, 2011 this will be an accurate description of me:

I NEVER MEANT TO BE THIS PERSON AND AM TOTALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT me
~ Always holding my No Fat Sugar Free Soy Venti Cold press Chai Latte With a Shot
~ Running home from work to assure I am not late to my pilates class
~ arguing with co-workers that my Coach bag is in fact real
~ Blue Tooth in ear
~ The only meal I know is organic salads
~ Sitting at dinner talking about the stimulating article I read in the New York Times about the stock market
~ looking back at "Old Awesome Me" and saying "That's not funny, that's stupid, why would midgets be funny?"