Sorry Stanley, we can't party like we are Charlie Sheen

Just when I thought no one wanted to come to NYC and hang out with me anymore, I came home and found Flat Stanley at my door waiting to start his NYC adventure. He came with instructions telling me to "take Stanley around my city while he is visiting and keep a journal of his exciting time". The instructions are quite ridiculous, since I very rarely, if ever, follow the instructions. I have decided to keep a photo journal, since I can not be bothered to write. I already had some great plans come to mind and thought I was going to show him a week he would never forget. Some early ideas:

~ Buying sex toys in the Village
~ Riding the mechanical bull at Johnny Utah's
~ a rousing game of "Poke the bum"
~ "Polar Bear swim" in the fountain at Washington Square Park
~ Drag Show
~ A historic trip to the Chelsea Hotel to see where Sid killed Nancy
~ Riding on the outside of the Subway car
~ Buying some heroin in Tompkins Square (don't judge, HE'S ON VACATION!!)
~ Going through the Phone Booth at Crif Dog (I bet he has never been to a Speakeasy)
~ Spitting off the Empire State Building
~ 5 words: NIGHT - CLUB - SWIM - UP - BAR in Time Square

Those were just the first ideas that came to mind. As I sat down to plan out his trip, I realized that the address to send Stanley off to is a...wait for it.... A CATHOLIC SCHOOL!!!!

Now being a prisoner product of Catholic School myself, I can see this being a vindication against the 13 years that institution robbed me of. I can't control my mind from thinking that maybe Stanley also needs to witness an abortion, attend a Gay marriage (and then covet the spouse), stand outside St. Peter's with a sign reading "Keep your Dogma on a leash"and get herpes from a hooker in the Bronx. However, the kid that sent this to me, also has a mother, and that mother trusted that her son would not be totally corrupted by Stanley's vacation has to show her face at PTA meetings.

Now I need help planning out Stanley's week. If the fun has to stay "Clean", I fear I know nothing about entertaining him. Please help, what would you do in NYC if you were as lame as the Catholic Church?