Just when I think I left the crazy at work..... I meet the ketchup

I went out for 132 a few drinks after work tonight with a coworker. As we are sitting there drinking, engaged in completely mature and appropriate adult conversation about the Holocaust, Labradoodles and the crucifixion (the Jesus one), the ketchup on our table decided to commit suicide. No, it was not a respectful suicide, it didn't eat a bunch of pills or run away to jump off the Manhattan Bridge (oh haven't you heard... the Brooklyn Bridge is SO last year, and the 59th St bridge is too groovy for all that death)... NO, our ketchup decided to be completely dramatic and jump off the table onto the sidewalk. Luckily, there was a crazy dude hanging out on the curb that was apparently "triggered" by the pile of red splat and loud noise, because he was able to start screaming about his 19 y/o friend that died yesterday which totally took the attention away from the gory scene of the pile of dead ketchup.

The waitress drink lady came over and saw the horrific scene and sent a guy with a broom over. While he was sweeping up ketchup, with a broom, on the sidewalk, I looked at him and said "I am so sorry for your loss". The sweeper looked up at me and said "no problem, this happens all the time". Shocked that this was a regular thing at this bar, I got a little upset and started my screaming at the sweeper "YOU SHOULD LEARN TO TREAT YOUR KETCHUP BETTER AND MAYBE THEY WOULD NOT ALL BE TRYING TO KILL THEMSELVES". He looked a little confused, and looked at me as if to say "what the hell is wrong with you". I took this opportunity to point out he was the one SWEEPING ketchup with a broom on the sidewalk.