Please don't tell Vodka!!!!

Dear Absinthe,

Every night as I go to bed, I spend a few moments going over the topics that I consider to be approved dream topics for the nights entertainment. You know like zombies, becoming president of the vampires, the four horsemen finally wanting to hang out with me, space camp, Jenny Jones vs. Sally grudge match, escaped convicts, or running through the food court arm in arm with Kirstie Alley. Last night, you snuck into my sleep movie without being invited. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed watching as I was attacked by a Komodo Dragon while all my friends sang Sweet Caroline and sipped you, but I feel that you are coming on to strong.


I only bring this up because we will be hanging out tonight and I do not need you getting the wrong idea. Sure, it is true you make me feel prettier than my tiara does and I really like the warm fuzzy feeling you offer, but I need to be very clear: I AM HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH POTATO JUICE!!!! I have no room for another full time relationship. I know this is hard to hear and you are going to try to change my mind but I think we should make a deal before things get out of control. So I am going off the record and suggesting that maybe you if play your cards right, we could be friends with benefits.


Tootles,

Subliminally Incognito