Week in Review: Conversations

On Me:

Friend: "I got you something"
Me: "Seriously, I know you like me but you do not have to bring Frankincense and Myrrh EVERY TIME you come to see me!"
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On Kids:

Matt: "you need to go to showusthecow.com"
Me: "Did you seriously just send me to a site with a bunch of stupid kids dressed up as cows?"
Him: "Someone sent me a funny picture.... I realize that is what I was sending you to, sorry about that"
Me: "uh huh... Are you trying to tell me you want to have a cow"
Him: "Maybe, but preferably one without a baby growing out it"
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On Religion:

Friend: "That's whats good about being an Atheist, you don't have to worry because in the end you are just going to rot"
Me: "I try to not be purely evil, for example I wouldn't eat baby"
Friend: "But I could if I wanted to, and that is my point."
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On Dating:

Me: "OMG, He FINALLY got a girlfriend?!?!"
Friend: "I don't know how he did it but he found a chick that has a thing for big Asian men and swords. He needs to hang on to her"
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On Homosexuality:

Client: "My residence hates me because I am gay"
Me: "What do they do to make you think that?"
Client: "They tell me that I can not write letters to other guys anymore"
Me: "Give me an example of a situation where they said something like that"
Client: "I wrote a letter to another guy that lives there and ALL it said was 'I want to see you naked in the locker room at the pool'"
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On Music:

Matt: "How do know about Slipknot?"
Me: "I have dated a lot of drummers that made me listen to horrible mousic, and I know that the only reason people listen to that shit is because the 'DRUMMER KICKS SO MUCH DAMN ASS!!!' or some something stupid like that"
Matt: *uncontrollable laughter because he knows I am right*