William Hung-1, Failure (formally known as Me)- 0

As I was setting up my Countdown Application for 2012 for my vacation on my phone, I became hyper aware that my birthday is in about a month. I will be 32 years old, and I was hit with the sobering feeling that I am a complete and utter failure at life. (Maybe "sobering" is too strong a word since I am referring to "reality", and let's face it, I haven't felt "Sober" since 1995). I have had 27 years to accomplish certain goals (don't judge me because I squandered away my first 5 years doing nothing). Not only have I not meet any of these goals, but I have not even started working on them.

~I was supposed to be training whales and dolphins by now. The only progress I have made on this is that I finally figured out who lives in the damn pineapple under the sea.

~I was supposed to be an Alligator Wrangler and at this point I don't even have a cowboy hat, much less a bone necklace and tribal tattoo around my bicep.

~I was supposed to be a Ice Sculptor. Once again, NOWHERE CLOSE TO ACHIEVING THIS!!!! I can't even consistently refill the ice cube trays in the freezer. At this rate, I will never get around to carving all 4 Horsemen for outside my door so when the apocalypse finally gets here and the Horsemen divide and conquer, they will see that there are already Horsemen at my door and skip it.

~And finally, the one I feel the most remorse for, is that I was supposed to be an astronaut by now. If only I had not procrastinated for so long, I might have been able to go to Pluto and find that Walt Disney is actually frozen there and convince the world that Pluto not only DESERVES to be a planet but is the happiest planet of them all.

It sucks to wake up and realize that you are a failure, but a little advice, in case you find yourself in a similar situation: Banana pudding with nutter butter cookies and rainbow sprinkles will make you feel like the best loser in the world!!!